Stomp my brain!

That's exactly what I was thinking for the first 10 minutes or so of the movie 'Stomp the yard'

Hmmm... heres a teeny riddle for you...
What do you get when you cross a Cheerleading competition movie with an all male cast of African-Americans???
*ding ding ding* You get Stomp the Yard!!! Ha ha!

Well okay... the movie wasnt all that bad... then again it wasn't all that great either.

Its a typical Black movie setup against 'Stepping' (a style of dance done in African-American fraternities). Its hopelessly cliched and tragically stereotyped. Everything tried and tested was there. I could literally predict whats gonna happen next. It starts off with a street dancing challenge that involved money, and later a gun! Needless to say the leading guy's brother dies in the process. The lead gets into trouble with the law, goes into depression and is shipped off to college.

At his new college 'Stepping' is quite the rage. On his very first day at college he falls in love with a girl, and chases after her and ends up stepping on some pretty important toes (heh heh just couldn't resist that) He challenges the girl's boyfriend (who is the star stepper of one of the campus frats) at a club and wins, but then again the challenge was more free style dancing and this was the leads speciality. Note: notice how I'm not doing names? Thats cos i don't remember and more importantly dont care!)

Winning the challenge was the best thing that happened to the guy since he discovered he had legs. Now teh two leading frats want him to join them. The rest of the story is pretty similar to 'Bring it on' and 'Bring it on again' (Cheerleading movies)

The lead is the typical underdog; he's egotistical, misunderstood and restless and you're rooting for him to win - which he does! Big surprise there!

The movie is at the most mediocre anything else i say will neither exalt nor depriciate it. So I'm gonna stop ranting bout it now and go watch 'Jumpin' which is about get this JUMPING ROPES!!! Cool huh!

Guess we all can learn from that fucking spider...

Or maybe not...
The itsy, bitsy spider, climbed up the water spout.
Down came the rain and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun and dried up all the rain,
So the itsy, bitsy spider went up the spout again.
- Anonymous.
Different people may have different views bout tht spider. Some may find it inspiring and feel they have something to learn from it... others (mostly the cynical ones ... people like me) may feel it was a silly spider to keep trying when he knew the rain would come down again and ruin all its efforts. Why the fuck do we keep tryin when we know that failure is a sure thing in the end? Are we so blinded by hope, so hopelessly naive and gullible that we actually think things will work out if we keep trying? Pathetic if you ask me... well I'm the one commenting here so i'll go on and add 'hopelessly' pathetic! I'm done being hopelessly pathetic. I feel its better to not try at all than to try and fail. 'Try and try until you die' isnt that the saying??? I say try as many roads as you can... never venture down the same road twice... thats the way you can truly live your life. Atleast that way you won't find yourself awake at midnight meaning to complete your project but infact pouring your heart out in a lame blog. Blog??? pfft!!! this thing is becoming more of a diary than a blog. Now that is what i call PATHETIC!!! Maybe i should just shut it down... then again... I lurve being melodramatic... and this blog makes me feel like my life actually means something. So... Whats the fun in shutting this thing down eh?

The curse of delay.

This whole saga starts with my birth. Okay I've like told this story so many times to my friends in an attempt to make them understand that its done to death. So well I'll try and say it differently here...

When I was to be born, the docs told my Mum that I'd arrive on 4th Jan 1983. Turns out the stork carrying me decided to take a detour. That darn stork was probably high on something... it shoudn't have been on the job in the first place. I've never known a more distracted creature in my whole life. So well Mr. Stork had its little adventure (I'm assuming it was male cos only a guy can be capable of being that careless!) and then realsing he had a job to do rushed off to deliver me to Mulund to my eager parents. We (or rather I) arrived on 11th Jan 1983. And well since then things just keep getting worse.

Until the time I was in school, my time management was someone else's business so things were okay. But then I went to junior college and my poor parents were deluded enough to think I would be responsible.

Well it started with tiny things - wake up late and a lil late to class, sometimes even for an exam. I knew I was flirting with trouble but I never imagined things could get much worse. I didn't know what 'worse' could be..

Good thing 'bout junior college was that they had rules fit for a military school ~makes a dirty face~ So even though I did get into trouble it was never anything drastic. But then I came to BMM. The rules were a bit more relaxed and I started to get careless - with my time and with other people's time.

Although I never used to be that late for class, when it came to plans with friends it was well a DISASTER!!!

I remember one time I had to go to a friends place and I got there TWO HOURS LATE!!! It wasn't intentional. It never is. I mean I've not completely lost my mind that I'd turn up late for an interview or a date... But I do... almost always. It seems like time has lost its hold over me, Or maybe I've lost all sense of time.

Mostly, actually almost always it happens so that I do leave home on time and stuff but then something unavoidable happens and I still get late. Its like the whole darn universe is conspiring against me and making sure that this curse doesn't leave me.

I know of times when I walk in late for movies. Lols (thats a cynical laugh, I'm not enjoying myself!) Concerts, Mass, parties, periods, work... Nothing is spared!

Funny thing is I have a couple of friends who are very good at time management. Even my Ex, he had many faults but impuntuality wasn't one of them. Inspite of all these people in my life I haven't been able to change. But trust me I'm trying. So all I ask for is a little patience... and help!

I'm an Angel... Not.

We all seek perferction, even though we know all too well that no one is perfect. The fact is that it is our imperfections that makes us interesting. And these are the very imperfections that makes us yearn for the perfect... For some reason we search for perfection... especially in other people. We seek angels. I think we do so to hide from our demons. I think we look for that perfect somebody in the wasteful hope that probably their perfection may rub of on us and give us some meaning to our existence.

I, like every other mortal, am guilty of this crime. And frankly I'm yet to meet somebody who hasnt defecated on my illusions of perfection... I'm reading Anne Rice now, I guess my choice of words show that. Lols.

Why can't we just let people be? Its always the same story. You meet someone new and your mind goes into over-drive building what they are- actually what you want them to be. You make them into angels who could do no harm. They are perfect, heavenly beings with radiant sunshine smiles, halo and wings et al. When your around them there's happy music playing in your head. You feel like yelling out loud, "I believe in fairies! I do! I do!" You wanna dance all the time. You have a toothy, goofy grin pasted on your face at all times. Geez what the fuck am i describing? Illusions? Love? Or Drugs??? Figure that out yourself!!! hahaha...

... And then after all this song and dance the inevitable happens. Some one dumps cold water on your head (or down your pants, depends on how you look at it) and you find yourself flat on the pavement. Dazed and confused. And you realise that just like you, they are human and full of flaws. Sometimes your forgive them for their shortcomings, sometimes you dont. Well actually you are the one to blame. But its so much more easier to blame some one else, isn't it?

But inspite of all this your back on square one when you meet someone new... and its the same story all over again.

This whole thing reminds me of this episode of FRIENDS, where Monica and Pheobe meet this cute guy on the street and Monica whistles at him to catch his attention. The guy gets distracted and gets hit by a bus! He lands up in a coma and they visit him daily at the hospital. They imagine what kinda guy he is (or rather what they want him to be) He wakes up and he's not what they made him out to be.

Hmm guess we'd all be amazing people too - as long as we'd be in a coma! ~smirks~

Mission Closure!

~Giggles Giggles Giggles~ Well now that I'm done making fun of my title I'll move on to tell you how I got closure. It had very little to do with my will to move on and a lot to do with a person who cared about me enough to put in much of her energy to help me get over my heart break. Yeah, she used tact and cunning, at times even harsh words, she also used movies and shopping and long talks over coffee - all this so I could get over a boy!

It happened in July... it started with a question. A question that deserved an answer not an excuse. The strange thing is that I could feel it that there was something wrong for quite a long time. But I guess I was too weak and far too dependant on him to actually face the truth. So I confided in her (as I always d0) I told her my fears, my doubts... and as I spoke to her, it became real for me. I realised that I did indeed have a problem. She advised me to question him, tell him whatever I'd told her, tell him what was bothering me, tell him all... And thats what I did.

Well the outcome was not quite what I thought it would be. Where I needed answers and assurances I got excuses and counter-questions. Well I guess that was typical... of me and him. I'd dug myself a grave and lay there prettily and naively... waiting. Guess I was waiting for exactly this to happen, waiting for three and a half fucking years.

It was all so confusing with him. Now green signal then again Stop! Red signal! It was a mad confusion of happiness and tears. She blamed me, told me I'd given him too much. Too much control, too much of my life. But she didnt get it or maybe she did. I dont know. I was in so deep my spine was jelly. I couldnt imagine life without him and on most days (even good ones) I felt like I didn't wanna have a life with him. But yet... I wanted to marry him. I loved him so much I could barely breathe. All I could feel was the need for him... the ache to have him in my life. The never-ending greed to see him smile bcos of something nice I've done for him. The need to see him smile at me... to love me, to hold me...

When I write this now it feels so alien to me. Like that person was someone I barely know! Some one from a different life... a whole different person. Not me! Definitely not me! And if it wasnt for my best friend I wouldn't be wrting this in the first place. Especially not with such... detachment.

So.. as I was saying... after I got my reply or rather non-reply and realised that there was a problem, I did what I do best when faced with a problem. I pretended everything was peachy... for maybe a week or so and I avoided her calls cos I knew she'd have a ton of questions. Anyways, I finally spoke to her (shes really hard to ignore u know) She didn't even have to ask. It just came spilling out.

From that point on things were a crazy roller-coaster ride. I broke up with him by texting him (Harsh! I know) and he was too egotistical to come off his high horse.

She made it a point to be around as much as she could. I'm glad she did that, it kept me sane. I remember at one point she even came down to my house cos I wasn't answering ,y phone.

Distance from him was what I needed but that was the one thing I didn't want. Throughout that time I had just one thought, 'Miserable with him, miserable without him. Which should I choose?' It was like a mantra for me. Most of the time I'd decide that I'd rather be miserable with him. I hoped and dreamed and wished that if we'd stick together things would work out and get better. But he didn't do a thing to get back to me, not even when I went to him. It was really pathetic, I begged him to come back and he gave me smartass comebacks. (hehe marvel at my creativity with words!)

She didn't want me to beg and plead and that made sense, I was damaged goods already and it would have been in my best interest to leave with whatever dignity I had left. But I guess I'm a sucker for pain, I used to thrive on it!

The turning point for me came when I developed a crush on her cousin. She encouraged my girly crush and we'd spend hours chatting about it. I managed to push Shankar at the back of my mind, he was there, he was always there...

Around this time I also became friends with one of the most amazing guys I've known till date. We became best friends almost over night. Now my life was full with my two best friends and I barely had time to think about Shankar. My thoughts would stray back to him in the nights. It was as if the empty nights were made for thinking of him. But that too was very rare as I had developed an addiction for Harry Potter Forums, its a US based HP community and I had a ton of friends there and I used to stay up all night talking to them about Harry Potter. (Those were fun times lols.) By the time I'd go to bed I was too tired to think and that worked for me great.

I was more or less over him thanks to Mots... actually I got used to not having him around. But yet I wasn't sure, I needed to know if we were actually done. That was one of the many things about him, he always has a way of keeping me hanging... waiting in suspense.I decided to end the suspense and I spoke to him online (guess about 2 months ago) I asked him straight out if he'd moved on and he said he had. That hurt... a little... actually alot! I guess in the end pain was the thing that drove me to move on. I was tired of being hurt. Tired of crying. I wanted to be happy and if not for real I decided I'd pretend to be happy. I'm not so sure if I'm pretending anymore or if this is the real thing. I haven't seen him in over 6 months now. Not sure if i want to. I'm not so sure how I'll react if I do see him. Either I'll lunge at him and try to claw his face or try and french kiss him, I'm guessing its gonna be one of these two extreme reactions.

I dont know if I'm actually over him. I know I've moved on... but can you truly be over someone you love? I know with absolute certainity that I dont want him back in my life. But I'm not so sure if he's out of it either. I do know this -
I'm glad I have Mots in my life, she keeps me going.
I'm glad I have my friends, they keep me sane.
I'm not done with relationships.
I've not given up on men.
I still believe in love.
I'm still looking for it... (anybody got a map???)

I, Robot!!!

Expect
According to the Longman Family Dictionary (thats the only dictionary I could get my hands on, couldn't find my trusty Oxford) 'Expect' means
- to look forward with anticipation;
- to consider reasonable. due, or necessary;
- to consider bound in duty or obligated;
- to be pregnant ~rolls eyes and sniggers~

Well so many meanings for one tiny word. And such a tiny word but yet its at the core of every human. Hmmm I guess from all the above meanings the pregnancy thing is the only positive one... Unless ofcourse its unplanned, then you gotta do something 'bout it asap. (To have or not to have, that is the question!)

Well my views on pregnancy and everything connected would deserve a whole other blog post. So back to topic... Expect. That's in basic human nature. And its so bizarre cos we don't always get what we expect. Sometimes far from it. I expected to marry the boy I was in love with, have his kids, live with him - basically have a fairytale marriage with the whole 'happily ever after' cliche too. But that didn't work out, did it? The powers that be had different plans for me.

I think expecting is just setting yourself up for disappointment.

What does it mean when you say 'I expected too much'? Why do you need to expect at all? Why does all relationships, connections, networks, EVERYTHING have to have some expectation involved???

I guess I'm just saying all this right now cos I'm in a blissful state of non-expectation . (I'm using the words 'blissful state' alot these days. Am i high or am i high? lols) Guess the whole Kinger episode was a rude wake-up call. But would I go back to expecting again? Is it really justified to actually expect anything from others??? I think it all comes down to this -- If the input is good its quite natural to expect a good output.

Unless we don't balance the give and take, all we gonna do is be either just giving or just taking...

I feel like such a fucking machine at times. Family been expecting from me all my life. Friends - same story. Boyfriend had his own set of fucked up expectations as well. Even my cats expect from me!!!

Gosh! I'm making myself out to be such a victim!!! Lols...

I am so rambling on... Its just that its hardly been a whole week and 3 people have already told me that they expected too much for me... and the thought that I'm a disappointment doesn't quite sink well with me...

Disclaimer: Everything mentioned in the above post is a creation of the authors overly imaginative and terribly screwed up mind. Any resemblance to any person or incident is purely coincidental.

Happy 25th!!!

I can't believe I actually started 11th Jan by panicking and imagining I had premid-life crisis. Now I feel that this thing called premid-life crisis was created with the same intentions as Santa Claus. See Santa Claus was created to scare lil kids into being good, premid-life crisis was created inorder to scare young people into getting a grip on their lives.

But anyways, I'm supposed to be talking 'bout my birthday. Wow I have amazing friends. I seriously can't believe that all of last week I was wondering if I had wasted my life. Can't believe I was cribbing that I hadn't done a single good thing worth talking about. Now I know that atleast I made great friends... That's an incredible feeling!

Oh Wow! The stuff Mots has done for me... she actually went down to Mt. Mary's (my boarding school) and spoke to Sister Marie for me. Wow man seeing Mount Mary's really brought back everything. It was incredible back then... ~sighs~ I didnt realise she knew me that well, that she knew how important that place is for me. Good Lord! I absolutely LOVE her!!!

Ever since I've known her my birthdays have been with her, well all except one. Till date I've spent 3 of my birthdays with her - my 22nd, 24th and 25th - all these birthday plans were hers and all of them were GREAT plans ~smiles~

On my 22nd we went to Essel World ~giggles~, 24th she baked me cakes and later we went to Temptations and as for 25th... What can I say about 25th?

I had a 2 day birthday for my 25th!!!

I absolutely love surprises and adore impromptu plans! Lemme explain.

Well my friends landed up at my doorstep at 7:30 in the morning with a cake. I was such a mess... my hair was oiled, I was wearing tracks and an overized tee and I had just gotten out of bed. I open the door and find them there... needless to say i was shocked! I think I even swore at them!!! Well we cut the cake and they sang 'happy birthday' for me and showered me with flower petals and also tried to give me birthday bums (Gosh I really HATE that tradition, glad i escaped it. I mean imagine 25 birthday bums! I surely couldn't let my ass suffer that) Well after all this they showed me the movie they made for me. OMFG! It was so sweet. Everyone and everything important to me were on the movie. Mount Marys, Sr Marie, Mum, CCD, my cats, my friends, my fave RADIO song, SIES, Wigan... It was all so... perfect! It felt so... I've never felt so loved.

Hehehe they made the movie right under my nose and I didnt even know. Quite a detective I am eh? Well actually I did sense somethings up but I had so many other things to deal with... my false premid-life crisis for one. And i could never have imagined that they'd make a movie for me...
And if I'm a good detective Mots is a good double agent. She managed to make sure that things didnt get so obvious that I'd be compelled to snoop.

Well anyways after that we had to rush cos I had to go to college. Had a freakin exam. However, the powers that be had a different plan for me. Mr. Gladiator raced like crazy on the highway but we got held up in traffic in the city. That among other things resulted in me being terribly late and sadly I missed my exam.

Well from there everything else was peachy. We met up at H'n'T for lunch. It was tons of fun. In the evening we just kinda decided to go to Hard Rock. That was loads of fun too. Hard Rock rocks my socks WooHoo!!! :) Well... got drunk, ate good food and me got home real late. Ended the day by talking to a sea creature. (read got the talks and made a fool of myself) Got up zonked the next day but I had an exam so I had to put on my war face. After exam met Mots and got the talks from her.

Later on a whim we decided that we were'nt done with my birthday yet. Dragged Gladiator along and landed up at Sports Bar (colaba). Ate random stuff and I tried out their shooters (WOOT WOOT!!!) After that we hung out at Chowpatty. That place is so darn beautiful! From Chowpatty we drove to Worli Seaface (eh what can i say I have a HUGE thing for the sea) We ended the day... and my birthday party with dinner at SnF.

This was my best birthday so far!!! I think I love being 25 too... eh! Its not that bad. I may not have done that good in career and love but I totally scored when it came to friends and also my decision to do my Post Grad was a good one... Well more or less I did pretty good and as for the other stuff ummm It will all just fall into place... I'm sure!